Well guys you're looking at the newest Mountain Brook Alumni. Don't ask me how I feel about that because I'm not quite sure. Mainly I'm so bogged down in thank you notes, graduation present drop off, college orientation prep, work, and rec organization that I haven't a had a second to collect my thoughts.
I'm still in shock that I walked across and the world didn't collapse right then and there. But when I exited Samford (where our graduation was held), I was choking back tears and looking around like a hysterical maniac. ME, Allison Ingram, a high school graduate? Stop it. That feeling continued all night as I was drowned in family, friends, and fellow graduates, some who were elated to be out of the "hell-hole" that they claimed MBHS to be, and some who were like me. Overwhelmed. Sad. Confused. Nauseous. And at the bottom of all those emotions, there was a little seeping feeling of...je ne sais pas quoi...excitement?
Excitement.
A summer ahead of me of filled with college orientations, room design, roommate meeting (oh yeah guys, I'll introduce you to the roomies the second we're comfortable enough around each other so that I can over analyze and exploit them on the world wide web), and college prep in general. South Africa, possible mother-daughter Boston trip, and North Carolina. A summer of working in my simple corner of Crestline, observing the passerbys and exploring the adventures that lie in children's clothing. A summer filled with reading books I actually want to read, not pointless books for school.
Excitement.
Moving into a new home. Making new friends. Finding a new place. Doing all the things I longed to do in high school, but didn't possess the courage put myself out there for. Recreating myself into the person I would most like to be, whoever that may be.
Excitement.
Reunions with my friends who aren't going to Tuscaloosa with me. Visits to Greenville, Charleston, Nashville, Auburn, Oxford, Starkville, and everywhere in between. Spend the night and weekender guests to room 1108 in Tutwiler. Christmas break. Shat that will go down.
That's when I realized that the whole time I was aching and moping about graduation, I was thinking about leaving my friends, my home, my community and I wasn't thinking about what is ahead. And now that I am, the ahead isn't looking too shabby. Who would have thought it??
One of the strange things about the inner workings of my mind is that I have random phrases that stick to me. They may be song lyrics, movie quotes, random jumblings, or Bible verses. For instance, when I have a stressful week in school, I keep thinking about Squidward, who says, "Do you think a fall from this height would be enough to kill me?" when Spongebob has shrunk him with Mermaid Man's shrink ray. When I started waking up early to run, it was, "God is a God of mornings." When the new year came around, I reiterated to myself, "You were made for more."
And for some reason, I have been thinking a lot recently, "The world is your oyster, starshine." I know, it's one of the weirder ones, but think about it. At first, I thought it came to me just because I was at the beach and wanted to annoy my friends with my early rising, but now it makes sense. I have the whole world in front of me, literally. I should be oozing with exuberance about the next couple years, so why in the world am I wasting my time mourning over what has past?
One of my friends asked me at graduation (when one of my friends and I were having a mild panic attack pre-ceremony), "Do you have any regrets from high school?" That's a tricky question. Do I wish I had been more involved, or worried less? Kind of. I thought about it, and I realized that yes there were things I wished were different, but that's all apart of the process. That's the beauty of high school! Just like Nick Saban has his process on the road to a national championship, so am I in the making. Things weren't perfect, and some outcomes I didn't prefer, but that's a decision already made in advance for college. I learned and I grew. It's funny, the things that weren't absolutely "perfect" in high school are the things I'm most excited having the possibility for in college.
So, I told my friend that no I didn't have any regrets. Not one. I walk out of the doors with experience, not baggage. And he replied, "Then what do you have to be sad about?"
Sorry for a long rant-blog today. It wasn't originally intended to be, but lo and behold, look where we are now. You're probably confused and concerned about my inability to make coherent emotional sense, but I promise I'm as stable as one who is driving to the beach in 9 hours and is still not finished packing can be. But those of you who did, thanks for sticking around for the end.Y'all are rockstars.
To the moon and back,
Allie
"I might not have gone were I intended to go, but I think I ended up exactly where I needed to be."
- Douglas Adams
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