THNC

And then it hits you.

You've returned from dinner at the house and proceeded to curl up in your bed with your laptop to watch "just the second half" of your current One Tree Hill episode. That one half turns into another episode, which turns into a second. You check your clock; "Oh, I should probably start getting ready for tonight." You fire up the hair straightener and start glancing towards the dark hole of a closet that you have yet to get a light for as you press next on Netflix; episode number three of the evening. That stool you use to hop up on your 4 1/2 foot bed comes in handy right about now to balance the laptop as you apply your mascara. Finally, the time comes and you leave your dorm to embrace that slowly forming thing you call a social life and the real world, all while wishing you were a resident of Tree Hill, North Carolina. 

Wait, stop right here.

Are you, Allison Ingram, one of those finish-a-season-a-week, what's-real-life-anymore TV show addicts? Is this what college life has driven you too? Sure, you google quotes in your free time and make playlists filled with the sappy, mellow-dramatic songs that narrate the show's rising and falling action. Maybe you have watched 9 episodes in the past week, maybe you haven't. 

At least you haven't accidentally referred to Chloe's Cup as Karen's Cafe. Or changed your best friend's phone contact name to Lucas Scott, complete with a matching caller ID picture. 

Oh. Right. 

I'll address this problem after fall break, along with that five essay question history test and the Carnation Ball dress and date hunt. 

I'm going places, guys.

To the Moon and Back,

Allie

Between a Place and a Brick Wall

It's funny how coming home after a long time, even if it's just a handful of weeks, can take you back instantly to a completely different time. 

Tonight I was home in Mountain Brook for a dermatologist appointment and I was awestruck by the significance of every single landmark I passed. On our way to dinner, we drove by a local elementary school that wasn't just an elementary school to me. It's where I would go to hang out with friends at night in high school when there wasn't much else to do. I can't really recall our reasoning for going there of all places, but I guarantee it was most likely my idea. Oh, it's a Saturday night and we can't decide what to do: "I know! Let's go to Crestline to swing and play tennis and lay on the field and tell each other about our lives." Yep, definitely sounds like my logic.

I pass my best friend's house and it weirds me out that her family, which is almost my family, is still there, going about their business like graduation and college never happened. My friend is kicking it up on the Plains and leading a different, separate life from me. Making new friends and reestablishing herself amidst her new "place", just as I desperately grasp around Alabama for anything to latch onto for a sense of comfort or identity. And isn't that what your supposed to do? To go out and make friends while getting involved in as many activities as possible, all in attempt to assimilate yourself to a new home? A new place with new memories?

A brick wall reminds me of waiting for my mom to pick me up after dance in elementary school. The same brick wall also reminds me of a powderpuff football practice in 10th grade. Jemision Trail reminds me of walks with my friends, Goober's car wreck and many, many runs to the tunes of John Mayer and Avett Brothers through the scorching June humidity. A country club pool makes my heart ache as I wonder what my lifeguard friend is doing in Nashville right about now, while I simultaneously laugh to myself at the recollection of illegal fully-clothed night swims. My church radiates Christmas Eve services and VBS's and Underground Church games. I associate the hill by the high school with running late in the cold briskness of morning. Even the DQ across 459 means performing full out cheers in the restaurants, all for a free blizzard on a game day. You don't even want to get me started about the high school with it's halls, it's gyms, it's fields and of course, it's people.

Home.

Comfort, ease, familiarity. 

Memories. 

All of the sights of Tuscaloosa, while known to me, are tied with my days of going to Alabama games with the promise of driving home at the the end of the 4th quarter. Now, my friends that I spent many Saturdays with are no longer at my side and I find myself in a mad scramble to find anyone to fill the void. But that's the issue: replacement. The purpose of growing up and moving on isn't to replace what you are leaving behind, but to add to your repertoire of experiences and memories. 
To expand your "places". 
To add on to your clusters of friends. 
To find new hot spots to go and simply be on nights where there's little else to do.
To locate more brick walls, more running routes and more opportunities for free food retrieval.

To multiply both the people and sights you love, 
along with those who will love you back.

And it's not like this moving on thing will ever end, so I might as well come to grips with the restlessness that comes with human nature and learn to fully embrace my surroundings, not as the replacements I feared them to be but as the opportunities that I begged them to become. First, Alabama; next, the world. (Yes, this is my motivational phrase of the month. Bring on the judgement, I can take it.) 

So I'll keep doing my thing, dancing around trying to do it all and be it all and writing more sentences with simple structure and repetitive wording to generate tones of simplicity but not complacency. I'll be making more memories and finding more things I am impossibly, incredibly passionate for, just as I have been doing for as long as I can remember. Thanks for checking in and for the massive encouragement I've gotten over the past couple weeks. It means so much more than y'all know and I love you guys to the moon and back twice.

Allie

"Maybe there’s something you’re afraid to say, or someone you’re afraid to love, or somewhere you’re afraid to go. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna hurt because it matters."

 –John Green

Sunday Night Letters

Dear Julia's Boars Head counter,
Oh spinach wrap with cajun turkey and pepper jack cheese, I owe you so much. My Sunday lunch has never been better and it's all thanks to you. Did I mention how much I love the pickle jar and the ever present Stacy's cinnamon-sugar pita chips? I can hardly wait until the day comes when I must return home and face the scale along with my inevitable fate as a victim of the Freshmen Fifteen. It's funny, I always imagined this greatly feared college stigma in the form of Messy Fries, beer and Hungry Howies and Krispy Kreme runs. While those have yet to tempt me to break "Operation: Jean Size Maintenance", the same is not true regarding these sandwich creations along with my new culinary obsessions of chunky peanut butter, anything pumpkin or cinnamon and latte machines. Which brings me to...

Dear Alpha Chi French Vanilla Latte Machine,
Suddenly, all my preconceived notions of latte machines and happiness to this point seem futile. I hold you responsible also for my college diet neglect, but thanks for keeping me company for all those early morning/mid afternoon/late night study hour fulfillments. Stay sweet.

Dear Steve Moakler,
Where have you been all my life? You would think that I would have stumbled across you at some point in between my intense love of Ben Rector and Needtobreathe, but how in the world did I spend the past 18-almost-19 years void of your musical nectar? Well, it's better late than never and I know this is the start of a beautiful friendship. Did I mention that I think I would make a great Mrs. Moakler? Okay glad that's settled.

Dear Math 112,
Please inform me of what I ever did to you. I know I haven't always been peachy with your relatives during high school, middle school or elementary school and I thought everyone knew by now about my incompetence regarding anything tedious involving computers. Well congratulations, Math 112, you have successfully managed to encompass both irks with a fabulous flourish characteristic of dentists' ability to horribly scrape one's teeth while simultaneously interrogating their patents about their personal lives. For those of you who don't comprehend that metaphor, here's the gist: Math 112, just like dentist appointments, you are the bane of my existence.  ut embrace yourself, I will make an A if it's the last thing I do before this long and endless maze that is my mathematical education closes. Bring it on.

Dear Girls in My Pledge Class,
Y'all kinda rock. I can't get over God's perfect placement and grand design with Alpha Chi and I'm so thankful to be apart of this sisterhood. While we're on this disgustingly cliche and sappy note, I think I've developed a 7th sense- my 6th sense being my ability to predict football game outcomes. This newly acknowledged 7th sense is called my "best friend sense". To you certain girls in my pledge class, I just know that we're going to friends eventually. We might not have necessarily communicated yet but in the least creepy way possible, we've shared a moment where I scream (inwardly, of course), "OH MY GOSH WE ARE THE SAME PERSON." So I'll just keep doing my thing until you figure it out and I can't wait until you too discover our numerous similarities in multiple aspects of life. And for the record, I cross my heart that I'm not a stalker. I repeat, I AM NOT A STALKER. Just needed to make that clear.

Dear Fall,
I am SO glad you're back, along with your friends of cool mornings that compliment my runs so nicely and comfortable fall clothing staples of skinny jeans, cardigans and those new boots I just ordered on sale. I can't express how excited I am to spend many of your afternoons basking in the glorious weather on the quad with a Pumpkin Spice latte or finally immersing myself into football culture for a new year.

Dear this weekend,
I can't express how glad I am to have another home game this week. Actually, I express this joy by wearing my favorite game day dress for the festivities. You know, the practically perfect Anthro get up that is not too hot, not too cold? I'm pumped. And along with your arrival, my friends from Auburn are escaping from their shame of a football team to pretend they know what it's like to be a college student with a team worth cheering for. Thank goodness for that family, or else the Plains would be awfully depressing. Wait, did I mention that the Ole Miss Camp Desoto gals are coming too? It's too good to be true! Oh and what's that? 17th Floor at ATO? T-Town Friday, Saturday and Sunday, come at me. I'm ready.

Dear 9:21 PM,
Am I actually sitting in my beautiful queendom of a bed right now? Oh Tuscaloosa Sundays, you're too good to me.

To the Moon and Back,
Allie

"Masks"

By: Shel Sliverstein

She had blue skin,

And so did he.

He kept it hid

And so did she.

They searched for blue

Their whole life through.

Then passed right by –

And never knew.

Falling Hard

If you know remotely anything about me, you know that I crave fall like a pregnant woman craves a foot massage. My daily routine at the Capstone has finally started to form and every morning when I hit the pavement on my runs, I'm submersed into the cool, dewy Autumn-ness of an Alabama morning. I've begun to rock a sweat shirt or two to class and I anxiously await the day I can break out my crimson skinny cords and an overlarge infinity scarf. Musical tastes have evolved from the pop and country hits of summer to the mellowness of Jason Mraz, Boyce Avenue and Maroon 5 with my always constant splash of Ben Rector/ Alpha Chi has served vegetable soup with grilled cheeses twice in the past week and my tastebuds have been radiating for anything cinnamon or pumpkin. I'm also practicing denial about my BamaCash balance, due to the Starbuck's Pumpkin Spice Lattes that tempt me daily. 

Fall means football season, which leads to Alabama Saturdays spent either at Bryant Denny in the heart of my favorite college town, or at a house filled with friends and family, collectively hovering around the TV and Rotel Dip.While football season is still football season, and while I'm so thankful for that, most of my beloved familiarities have disappeared in exchange for the revamped version. I've traded my pom poms in for a "Alpha Chi Loves the Tide" pin and Friday night lights for the madness that is Tuscaloosa on a Saturday. Pep rally planning is now game day social planning. Marilyn and Cecil no longer have their hands full being the squad mom and chief run-through poll holder, but migrate to Title Town every week laden with more possessions I forgot to take to college. Their game day routine hasn't changed much, and that's the way they like it. 

No amount of championships could ever compare to how much I love these girls.

The Goob himself. Can't wait to have you down here too in a couple years, bro-sky.

From cheering to spectating, she's still the best game day partner.

One little tidbit of information for your reading enjoyment...

In case you have the reading comprehension skills of a first grader and haven't figured it out for yourself already, I was freakishly obsessed with cheering for football in high school and this girl (Sarah) not only shared my love of Mountain Brook football, but Alabama as well. I was that cheerleader who stopped half way during the cheer to insure I wouldn't miss a crucial play and I may have or may have not craned my neck around mid-stunt multiple times. While all the cheerleaders cared about the game and somewhat understood what was happening, there were only a handful that were like me and up to par with the game's action, mostly accredited to our families' early provision of football education.Thankfully, I had this girl next to me in squad lines and between the two of us, many calls were debated, tears were shed (mostly from joy) and victory hugs were instigated. To have the opportunity to continue our legacy of extreme football-watching at our new alma mater is so sweet.  We're also going to the Steve Moakler concert together tonight, and I'm kind of excited. 

For now, my Friday afternoon is void of any obligations besides that of Pinterest and the lives of the residents of Tree Hill, North Carolina. Yeah, I forgot down time existed too.

To the Moon and Back,
Allie

"No man, for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true."

–Nathaniel Hawthorne

One of Those Days

Sometimes, even in the midst of the full energy fun that is college, you have those days where you feel completely and absolutely alone. Those days where even after a weekend retreat filled with people you both greatly admire and desire to grow closer to, you feel completely out of place. A 96 person pledge class won't cut it. A 30,000 person campus isn't big enough. The busyness of it all masks the underlying frustration of having yet another superficial conversation with a "soon to be bridesmaid/best friend/sister" when all you want to do is bear hug someone who knows you backwards and forwards any day of the week. 

For those days, the solution can be found in getting in bed at 10PM and perusing the internet aimlessly like you used to do in the summers and afternoons of high school. Pinterest quote browsing, online shopping, catching up on blogs, recipe searching; anything to relax while the sound of new Avett Brothers hums you to a soft numbness. You fall into a slumber not plagued by the air vent/icebox that has been breathing down on your bed every night since move in because you finally figured out how to work the knobs hidden in the recesses of your white duvet. Morning comes with a run through the quietness of campus; the only human interaction from early morning workers who thankfully distract you to form escape plans should they turn into kidnappers or terrorists of any sort. 

Finally, you stumble back to your room and sit, still and listening, for anything the Creator is trying to tell you.

Be still, wait patiently for Me. 

Peace takes time, a sense of place takes time, friendships all take time.

Until I provide, seek solace and sanctuary in Me.

Resist the urge to plan, to succeed, to stay busy and relax in my quiet assurance of the morning. 

You are forgiven.

You are accepted.

You are loved.

You are free. 

It's funny how when everything you find your identity in -strong friendships, routine, hometowns, comfort- while all good things,are stripped away, you are forced to realize your true self. A daughter of the King who longs so much to become your definition, your safe place and your best friend. 

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."

- Ezekiel 36:26

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." 

- Isaiah 43:18-19

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come."

- 2 Corinthians 5:17

Off to class, to study at the house, to make friends, and to rest in the Peace that God supplies to me. 

Believe it or not guys, I think today is going to be a better day. 

To the moon and back,

Allie

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

"Beautiful Things"

Go Foam or Go Home

Guys, you know I would blog more if I had a second in the day to catch my breath! Whoever told me that college gave you so much more free time and that the school work was easier, was nothing more than a bonafide LIAR. When I'm not in class, I'm at the house getting study hours. When I'm not studying for hours, I'm studying to simply study due to the fact that out of the six classes I'm taking, five have tests or an in class essay next week. That is in addition to the date party and swap next week, as well as an interview and several meetings my parents are insistent on. Don't get me wrong, I love getting my start here and I get really, really excited everytime I meet with someone to plan the next couple years, but I have a lot on my plate. Did I mention that I also have new member tests every week? Senior class names, faces and hometowns along with the first half of Alpha Chi history is this week and I might die. Oh yeah, and I'm going on the campus crusade retreat this week. Then I also have resorted to waking up at 5:30 to get a workout in here somewhere. And you can't forget the pledge parties that I insist on going to every night. 

Even though I am slightly overwhelmed and busy, I'm loving every single second of it. With the exception of Intro to Listening and Math 112, my classes are all genuinely interesting. I'm making new friends, doing new things and exploring this kind of a new place that I thought I knew all about until I lived here myself. And I did say that I wanted to do it all when I went to college, so here I am biting my tongue. I'm doing it ALL. 

Which brings me to my next item of business: 

AXO and ATO FOAM RAVE.

One of the single greatest things that has ever happened to me. I was starting to lose hope in our swaps after two duds and a bunch of awkward pledge parties but this alone restored my faith the night life at Alabama. Picture a rave, filled with one of the best sororities on campus along with one of the best fraternities, throwing it down in a room filled with foam. Just trust me on this one, no other swap will ever compare to it. To Mom and Dad, prepare yourself for the number of ZAPs I will be ordering to commemorate this night forever. 

On a side note, let me thank a group of people who often times are overlooked. The ZAP guys/gals. They follow you around all night all to take pictures of you having fun, while they're at work. While I'm sure they get commisson and a decent salary, it's a challenging job to be out until 1 AM snapping pictures of drunk college kids who grab your arm screaming, "ZAP! ZAP! Y'all let's get a ZAP!" ZAP team, I salute you and appreciate the job you do documenting my times at UA, just like you have been doing for generations of Greek students. Many people have photos on their phones of their parents, decked out in swap attire at one of their legendary college meetings, doing exactly what their kids have dreamt about for years. And they finally have the opportunity to follow in their footsteps to become the "srat/frat" stars they were born to become. It's a strange and deeply misunderstood full circle.

I wanted to do it all, and trust me, I am. While I'm tired and I know I'm complaining more than I should,  I'm still very thankful for every class, meeting or sorority requirement thrown my way. And anyways, isn't a blog my own outlet in the midst of the organized chaos that is college? No worries readers, at the sinking bottom of all this stress and anxiety there is still pure excitement and uncontrollable love for this place that I can't contain. 

To the moon and back,

Allie

"You need to release the load that God never meant for you to carry, and focus on what he has called you to do."

9

Tuscaloosa Love Song

Tonight, I'm thankful for Tuscaloosa. 

The sounds of hype videos echoing from the stadium, filling the air from the quad to Tut.

A quick walk before a Bible study swap. Yes, those exist.

The opportunity to "put myself out there" trying to make friends, again.

A night void of pledge parties, swaps, or "going out". Instead, a quiet night at the Alpha Chi house doing nothing and actually having a normal, Allison night, acting like a actual person for the first time in weeks. WEEKS. Not rush Allison, not "I promise I'm normal" Allison, just Allison.

I'm thankful for everything Tuscaloosa has to offer, both as a school and as a fresh start amongst familiarity. Surprising me constantly, while at the same time growing into the place I can call home.

To the Moon and Back,

Ali

P.S. THREE days until my first game as a student. Eeek!

"Stop leaving and you will arrive. Stop searching and you will see. Stop running away and you will be found." – Lao Tzu